Depression with children and bouncing back from it with YOUR super powers

For those of you who haven’t read my blog bio, I am bipolar.  I do not indentify myself by being bipolar, nor have I EVER use it as an excuse for any certain type of behavior.  But it affects me in many many ways.  Being a mom can make things even more complicated.  My mood is somber today and I am doing my best to turn that around.  I have many blessings and things to be grateful for, but I’m only human and we all have our good days and rough days.  But what I’d like to do is share my emotional journey from the past 2 weeks.  I will not recount the reason for my depression, because that’s more personal than I feel I need to get on a blog post, but I will talk about how I dealt with those feeling of depression as a mother and a wife.

I once had a friend who wasn’t a mother and had no desire to be a mother.  She was only 3 years younger than me and she was becoming what I thought to be a good friend.  That fizzled out as quickly as it started.  She said something to me that put her into perspective for me. We were both having a rough day one day with anxiety and whatnot.  She was at work and I was at home with my 2 boys.  We had a small argument via text message and it made me realize that she and I couldn’t be friends.  She (angrily) told me over text that I had things easy being able to have my anxiety in the comfort of my home, while she had to be at work in front of her coworkers.  I was livid.  I told her that she has NO fucking idea what it’s like to raise 2 children who depend on me day in and day out.  I said, I don’t get breaks or vacations or sick days.  And when I have a mental breakdown, I still have to take care of them like nothing is wrong.  I have to be strong for them so that they feel secure and know that everything is ok.  That was the breaking point for me and her.  We tried to mend things after that, but a new friendship can’t take a major blow like that and make it.  So needless to say, I don’t talk to her anymore. 

My point in telling that story was that this chick made me realize how amazing I am.  I deal with a lot and I handle it.  It’s not always easy, but I always handle it.  I feel like most of us mommies don’t give ourselves enough credit for the things we do, because we are so focused on what we didn’t do or what we feel like we could have done better.  And you know what that type of attitude leads to?  Feelings of inadequacy and that’s right, depression.  We all need a reminder at times that we are awesome and that we are capable of whatever we put our minds to.  Do you even realize how powerful your mind is?  We have fucking super powers!!!  All of us!  If you can learn to channel your thoughts, energy and feelings to put all of your focus on exactly what you want, you can manifest miracles.  I wholeheartedly believe that and I have manifested many things in my life that I never thought would come to fruition.  But they did.  And you wanna know why?  It’s because I believed that I deserved it.  

My husband said something profound to me yesterday.  Honestly it wasn’t that profound, but it caused me to have an epiphany.  He said that as much as I talk about the concept of focusing on what one wants as opposed to focusing on what one doesn’t want, I sure do complain a lot about not feeling well.  And he was right.  In the depression funk I was in, I had completely forgotten about that.  In that very moment, I made a decision for myself and for my family that I would be more conscious of how I react to situations and how I choose to feel.  It’s a matter of always choosing happiness over misery.  It’s easier said than done when you’re first bringing ALL of your feelings and thoughts to your conscious mind, but it gets easier as you keep practicing.  As I said before, we’re all human and we will all have our tough days, but don’t dwell on it or wallow in the self pity for too long.  Remind yourself that you’re a bad ass with super powers and that you can handle this shit!!!!!!