My Life Postpartum

I gave birth to my 2^nd beautiful bouncing baby boy in October just before Halloween, so I am 8 weeks postpartum today on Christmas Eve.   Things have been going amazingly well up until the past few days.  I’m not going to bore you by complaining or talking in great detail about what’s bothering me, but I will talk a little bit about how I’ve been feeling. 

The first 2 weeks home were rough, but at the same time, absolute bliss!  I’ve had breastfeeding issues, but that’s something I’m not 100% ready to discuss yet, so there will be a different post for that when/if the time comes.  But aside from those issues, I was very happy.  This happiness was maybe in part due to the super heavy narcotics I was on!  Ha!  Aside from that, I was on cloud nine because I FINALLY had my precious little dude and I was able to hold him and stare at him all day long!  It was great!  As the weeks went by, I still felt super happy despite minor obstacles physically and mentally.  I felt like I could take on the world.  I did wonder at times if part of this was some sort of crazy postpartum mania.  It very well could have been.  Or maybe it’s completely normal and all moms go through it.  I really don’t know.  The other great part was that there were zero jealousy issues with my 5 year old son.  He gave my husband some grief by being a complete stinker and testing him beyond belief, but that’s because his dad had never been 100% in charge before since I am a stay at home mom and I’m always here.  But lucky for me my husband stepped up and took over ALL duties with our oldest while I tended to the baby 24-7.  My point is that, there weren’t any major issues.  *DS#1 adores his baby brother.  He sings to him and plays with him and gives him all kinds of hugs and kisses (which has caused us ALL to be sick twice in an 8 week time span!!!!!!)  Preschool germs are no joke!  

So with my husband going back to work in a matter of days, reality has truly begun to set in.  I will be (for the most part) on my own with 2 little boys!  I’m not sure if it’s that fact that has made a little postpartum depression begin to set in or whether other circumstances have caused it.  I’m predisposed to postpartum depression now with DS#2 because I had it with DS#1 for 6 months.  I happen to believe a lot of that was circumstantial, though just due to some major family issues we had and the loss of a dear loved one shortly after DS#1’s birth.  This time around, things are literally blissful as far as circumstances go.  My husband just got a promotion, DS#1 is doing great in school and I’m looking into going back to school in the fall of 2016.  So I guess the hormonal aspect of things may be getting to me.  So I have decided to come up with a “stay in good spirits” plan and this blog entry is in essence a brainstorm for me to put together that plan!

What I’ve been told by most every doctor I’ve ever seen is that exercise is THE best way to combat depression.  It makes complete sense to me, because who doesn’t love that great endorphin rush you get after a good workout!  I know I do!  So that’s something to look forward to once I’m feeling up to it.  I also plan to get out of the house daily.  Whether it’s a walk or going to the grocery store or the local Barnes and Noble to write while my oldest is in school!  I love doing that and people watching!  The last idea on my “stay in good spirits” plan is getting plenty of sleep!  It’s hard to nap when my baby naps because I also have a 5 year old who is only in partial day preschool.  But getting them both to bed on time and sneaking in cat naps when the hubby is home will do me wonders, I’m sure! 

I definitely have a positive outlook, although I often feel very down.  I can still find the good in all that I come across.  It’s a full on battle half the time, let me tell you.  And it’s absolutely exhausting at times to fight the negative thoughts.  But I’ll tell you this much.  I’ve been practicing for a few years now and it used to drain me beyond belief when I first started trying.  I can now say, though it’s a challenge, it’s gotten much easier.  To anyone reading this who might be dealing with any sort of depression, I have a message for you.  Always work on replacing those negative thoughts with positive thoughts, don’t be so hard on yourself and know that you’re not the only one going through depression.  You’re never alone.  

Oh and one last thing!!! 

*DS stands for Dear Son

Kind of ready to pop!

Slacker of the year here!  I know I haven’t been around much, but motivation has been lacking during this pregnancy.  All around!  I can’t lie about that.  One thing I will say, though is that I feel fully prepared to bring this baby into the world 3 weeks from today (granted all goes as planned).  I have a scheduled cesarean planned and I’m very excited to meet my little dude!  My husband is sometimes beside himself with excitement!  Others may not be able to tell it from the outside, but I know him well enough to know he’s doing cartwheels on the inside!  And our oldest little dude is at a-whole-nother level of excitement!  He has been asking me probably every other day, “When is my brother going to be boring (“born” in his language)??”  He’s still kissing my belly and telling the baby how much he loves him.  I love that little guy more than words can describe!  He’s going to be the best big brother EVER!!!  Anyhow…  So this post is what I like to call a random ramble!  I have several topics.  I hope I don’t lose you all! 

I honestly didn’t really nest this time the way I thought I would.  I nested like a mad woman with my 1^st pregnancy.  Shampooed carpets like twice a month and vacuumed 3 times a week, dusted, organized EVERYTHING over and over!  It was insanity!  This time, I kinda just want to sleep ALL.  The.  Time.  It’s frustrating because I can think of things to do, I just don’t have the energy or motivation to do them.  Motivation…  Today’s theme!  Or lack thereof!  Really hoping that after having this baby and recovering, my motivation returns to me.  I may have to get out and find it and kick its ass for leaving!  Maybe it won’t go away anymore after that!  Ugh! 

Next I’d like to talk about what I look forward to most after giving birth and recovering!  For starters, I’m not trying to rush this beautiful time I’m flowing though.  I am enjoying the journey!  It’s a rough one at times, but I’m taking things day by day and doing well, for the most part.  But after almost 9 months of all of this, I am looking forward to a few things!  Number 1…  I look forward to having my body to myself again.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE every little kick, nudge, head butt (mostly to the bladder at this point!  Ha!) and big swish I feel, I just look forward to being able to get up off the couch or out of bed without so much WORK!  And next, let’s be 100% real here, people..  The end of pregnancy is not exactly conducive for certain activities with your loved one who got you into this situation to begin with.  I MISS SEX!  My husband is truly a trooper at this point, because it ain’t happening often and he hasn't complained not one peep!  Ok maybe there were a couple peeps of complaint, but the man is only human!  We are working through it, though!  Lastly, I look forward to hitting the gym again!  I daydream about my gym classes more and more often lately!  I’m thinking January will be a good time for that to start back up again!  Can’t WAIT!!!  I plan to write about my big workout plans sometime within the next few months here, so be on the lookout for that entry!

This concludes the plethora of topics I chose to share with you all today!  I hope it wasn’t too manic for you!  I tend to be that way at times!  *winks*   I do want to thank anyone who has taken the time to read my blog!  You rock and I appreciate your support in this venture more than you know!  Good day, all!  I am now off to nap!

Mommy on a mission (My breastfeeding experience)

Any mommy who has ever dreamed of breastfeeding her 1st child has probably had the same picture in her head that I did (or a similar scene) when I first found out I was pregnant with my son. It was something like this… Beautiful blue skies with a few wispy clouds. A slight breeze of the perfect temperature. And you, on cloud nine, smiling, while sitting in a meadow of bright green grass holding a perfect little infant up to your bosom and that infant enjoying free flowing rivers of delectable breast milk. Oh wait.. Maybe that was just the picture I see in every lactation consultant’s ads online.. Either way, many women have the idea that it will come so easily and naturally that the heavens will open up with a radiant light and angels will sing. As beautiful of a fantasy as this may be, for some women, it’s just that. A fantasy. Now there are a few lucky ones out there who have no issues and it does come easily for them, but they are few and far between, from what I’ve heard. They are almost like unicorns. Mythical creatures who you want to believe exist, but no one has ever really seen one. Ok maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but you catch my drift. It’s rare! All silliness aside, breastfeeding can be a challenge for a lot of moms. I want to share with you guys my experiences. First I’ll talk about my very 1st breastfeeding experience with DS#1 and then I’ll talk about my current preparations for DS#2.

When I found out I was pregnant with DS#1, of course, I began reading and did a lot of research on pregnancy and what it would be like. I’m not going to lie to you guys and tell you it was all great and didn’t have a huge impact on me. I’m a hypochondriac and I am 100% fully aware of this fact. So reading medical information on the internet is one of the worst things I can do! So I stopped! The one thing I did not research, but should have was breastfeeding. As I previously stated, it did NOT come easily for me. What ended up happening was I was able to breastfeed DS#1 from the time he was born until he was about 3 weeks old. We did supplement with formula at the recommendation of the hospital staff. Details are fuzzy for me because I had a cesarean section and I was quite heavily drugged while in the hospital. So I did end up going to one appointment with a lactation consultant in my area and she was amazing! But unfortunately her efforts were futile being that I was so unprepared to breastfeed. My guess is that I did not drink enough water, for starters. There were many other factors that I’m uncertain of. From everything I’ve been told, the psychiatric medications for my bipolar disorder should not have made my milk dry up completely. Needless to say, I was devastated when nothing worked to increase my milk supply and it dried up after only 3 weeks. I literally cried daily for close to a year. I think that this incident was a large contributor to my postpartum depression as well. But you live and you learn! DS#2 has an advantage in that I really did learn and I have researched my little head off in preparation to breastfeed him!

Now that I am carrying baby #2, I see the error of my ways from my 1st breastfeeding experience! My very first step was to read and research any and everything on breastfeeding I could find. That begun shortly after I found out I was pregnant. I always said that if I had another baby, I’d make sure breastfeeding would work out for us! So the positive thinking began. I feel as though I’ve done a good job with that part so far. I have my doubtful moments and moments of weakness when I think, gosh, is this really gonna work this time? But really there’s no reason it shouldn’t. My next step later in pregnancy was to 1st order my free breast pump through my insurance. If you’re reading this and you’re pregnant and don’t know about this, CALL YOUR HEALTH INSURANCE PROVIDER NOW! I upgraded my pump, so I got a $400 breast pump for $71! Great deal, if you ask me! Next on my agenda was to find a lactation consultant. Most insurances (as far as I know) pay all or majority of lactation services for in network providers. I got very lucky, because there is only 1 IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) in my network for my health insurance and she made a house call. Now I was told, by a representative from my insurance company that this is supposed to be 100% covered, but we’ll see if I get any sort of bill. Next I’ll talk about my visit with the IBCLC!

Her name is Rene Moore and she is an IBCLC. She works out of Cave Creek, AZ. This is approximately 30 miles from where I live. So you can imagine my surprise when she told me she’d come to me. I honestly thought that was something LC’s (Lactation Consultants- for short) did only after you gave birth and were home recovering with your newborn. But I didn’t question it after what my insurance company representative had told me. Rene was extremely prompt and professional. What made me the most happy is how nice and compassionate she was and the fact that I felt like I “clicked” with her enough to feel completely comfortable asking ALL of my 20 million questions! This is her passion and it shows more than I can even begin to describe! It’s not convenient for an IBCLC to be contracted with an insurance company, so I made it a point to thank her for what she does and to let her know how grateful I am for people like her who go above and beyond what’s necessary to help others. Anyway… So she thoroughly answered every last one of my questions and I was quite impressed by her extensive knowledge! I think that having an IBCLC in your corner when you’ve had troubles breastfeeding in the past is something that’s crucial! For the information you receive from this person, as well as the support. I feel more than ready to take on this next chapter of being a mother and I hope all works out in mine and my baby’s favor with regards to me being able to nurse him for as long as I feel necessary. This by the way, in my book is no more than a year, even if I exclusively pump after the first 6 months or so! But only time will tell!

MUSIC!! And awesome non-traditional lullabies!

I am currently 21 weeks and 3 days along!  Pregnancy has been a little rough on me.  At first,  it was all physical ailments and issues that were worse than in my 1^st pregnancy.  They were all typical ailments for pregnancy, but still enough of a nuisance to put me down and out for most activities.  Secondly, I’ve been dealing with a “bout” of depression that’s wearing on me pretty badly.  That’s for another post, though.  I won’t waste anyone’s time going over the complaints specifically, because no one wants to listen to (or read) someone bitching about what’s wrong with them all the time!  Ha!  So I’ll move on to the much happier and fun topic that I wanted to share with you today!  MUSIC!  I am a singer and musician, so obviously, music is a huge part of my being in general.  I’d be lost without music.  This is something that I am so passionate about, that my kids will, at the very least, have a great appreciation for music, even if they don’t end up interested in doing music or are even musically inclined.  My husband is in no way musically inclined, so the possibility that our children also won’t be can’t be ruled out!  But you just never know!  Anyway… 

So one of my latest fun little hobbies has been putting together a playlist for my stinker butt #2, who is still in the womb developing!  I did the same for my 4 ½ year old son (AKA… stinker butt #1) when I was pregnant with him.  Now, I’m not one for traditional lullabies by any means, so I had to spice it up and make it fun, while still keeping it mellow and “easy listening”, if you will!  So I went with a lot of 70’s light rock type stuff (it’s all listed below) and then added in a little bit of 90’s alternative for variety, as well as just a touch of 2000’s light rock!  The list is fairly short.  I’m still adding to it all the time, but here’s a rundown of my current list, in case anyone needs some inspiration for fun music for their baby!  Some songs may have meanings behind them that not everyone agrees with, but there’s nothing that’s blatantly inappropriate on this list.  Here goes:

Stairway to Heaven- Heart (cover of Led Zeppelin- the version is live at the Kennedy Center)

Another Day in Paradise- Phil Collins

True Colors- Phil Collins

Africa- Toto

Summer Breeze- Seals and Crofts

Imagine- John Lennon

Mexico- Incubus (I had to throw in some obscure stuff that I love!  Incubus is one of my favorite bands!)

11am- Incubus

Bella Luna- Jason Mraz

Space Oddity- David Bowie

Lights- Journey (stinker butt #1’s favorite song of all time)

Message in a bottle- The Police

Hotel California- The Eagles

Fantasy- Earth Wind & Fire

Island in the sun- Weezer

Follow Through- Gavin DeGraw

I place large headphones on my belly (or one earphone that detaches from my headphones since mine are too big for my belly at the moment), lean back and wait for all the kicks!  Today he danced on my bladder quite a bit, which wasn’t fun, but I still enjoy feeling him move and groove in there! Hehe!  I also like to put on the other earphone myself and listen with him and sing along.  I get lots of kicks when I sing along with the songs that are playing!  He could be saying, “sing it, mommy!” and actually really like it.  Or he could be saying, “you’re messing up my song, mommy!  Stop it!”  If only I knew!  Hahaha! 

Most of these songs are pretty well known!  There are a few obscure deep album tracks from familiar artists, but that’s all in my taste and adds an interesting flare that’s custom to my personality.  All in all, I find my list pretty darn fun!  Hopefully it can inspire someone else to make a fun song list for their little one!

P.S.  Here's a pic of my belly with my headphones as well as a few of my favorite album covers!!

 

Kids say the darndest things!

My little dude says some cute things every once in a while and I had started compiling a list of the stories behind some of the cutest things he’s said.  Unfortunately I didn’t keep it going, so I’ve missed a lot, but I decided to start keeping track again.  So here are a few fun little stories from about a year and a half ago and then one from just recently.  Kids are such a joy and this little guy has been a real source of entertainment for me! If any of you have any stories about your kids you’d like to share, please feel free to leave me a comment!  I love that kind of stuff! 

PS... For those who don't frequent parenting forums,"DS" stands for "Dear Son".    

                                            

January 2014

Super why on mommy's head

(Interaction: Mommy to DS#1)

DS#1 was singing the “Super Why” theme song (a tv show on netflix he likes) and I said to him, “you just got the super why theme song stuck in my head.” He looks at me a little baffled, reaches over w both hands and grabs my head and says, “let me see super why stuck on your head..” So he pokes around on my head a little, then he says, “it's just hair on there, mommy!”

 Hahahahaha!!!!!!!!! Their little minds are so literal at this age! It's cute!!!!

Burgers
(Interaction: Mommy to DS#1)

So we buy a pound of ground buffalo meat and make burgers anytime they have it at Sprouts food stores. Well we made them one night and DS#1 LOVED that burger!!!! He went on and on about it the rest of the night! We also had mashed potatoes and veggies w it. So that night I put him to bed and we say prayers and I start with "dear Lord, we thank you for.."  And he repeats and says, "dear Lord, we thank you for dadda and burgers.." And a few things later he goes, "and mashed potatoes"!!

It was THE cutest thing EVER!

Foot finger

(Interaction:  Dadda to DS#1)

Dadda is noticing how large DS#1’s feet are and he is pulling on his toes and pops one of them.  DS#1 says to Dadda, “You broke my toe!  I need a new toe!”  He obviously knew what a toe was, but promptly forgot, because he then says, “Dadda you broke my foot finger!”

The store

(Interaction:  DS#1 to mommy)

DS#1 reaches in my pocket and says, “you have any money in your pocket?”  I tell him no, I don’t.  So he quickly replies with a very serious expression on his face, “you need to go to the store and buy more money.”

I had a small fracture in my finger and I was telling DS#1 how it was broken.  He says, “Let me see your broken finger.”  Then he says again, very seriously, “you need to go to the store and buy a new finger.”

May 2015

The Garden

(Interaction:  DS#1 to mommy)

Here is the small back story 1^st.  DS#1 and his dad built a garden in the backyard some months ago and DS#1 is very serious about his garden and LOVES it!!!

I am now pregnant with DS#2 and I was not feeling well at all.  So I was lying on the couch in a lot of pain.  DS#1 comes in and sees me lying there and he rubs my back and says (in a very serious tone), “I wish dada didn’t put DS#2 (by his actual name) in your tummy.  I wish we could just grow him in the garden.”