Who is YOUR #1 priority?

So there was this video I happened to catch online some time back and it really hit home for me and has resonated with me ever since I watched it.  The video was called Red Table Talks and it was an intimate and extremely personal conversation between Jada Pinkett-Smith, Willow Smith and Jada’s mom Adrienne Banfield-Jones.  Now initially what I saw was just a clip from this Red Table Talk.  The clip consisted of Willow asking Jada how hard it is being a mom and a wife.  Jada’s answer, to me, was somewhat profound!  I could not have agreed more with every. single. word!!!!!!  I’ve attached a link below to that specific clip for anyone who would like to watch.  I’m not going to use her words, per se, but I will put the whole idea into perspective for anyone reading using my own words and ideas.

Now when I heard the question, in my own mind, I started to search for an answer.  This was not an easy question.  But I listened and what I heard was such truth!  For starters I want to say to all the mommies reading this, no matter how old you are, how many kids you have or whether you’re single or married, PLEASE remember that YOU are your 1^st priority.  You may think that your kids are your 1^st priority, but think about this.  What good are you to your children if you don’t take care of yourself?  If you don’t take the time to show yourself some love sometimes.  Maybe you have a deep belief that you have to sacrifice every single thing in your life for your family?  Or maybe a family IS your goal in life.  And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!  

Jada talked about how our society makes women feel as though if they do not give up everything to be a mother, they are a bad mother.  I do not believe this to be true AT ALL!!  I agree with Jada that it is not necessary to give up what you love to be a parent.  Everyone's circumstances are different, though and I understand that.  But, if there is something you absolutely love doing, under most circumstances, giving it up can be painful no matter the reason.  I know from personal experience.  Now not everyone has a big dream of an amazing career and like I said, that’s perfectly ok.  But for those who do, giving up doing what you love can make for a less fulfilling life.

Take me for example.  I absolutely love singing.  I’m good at it and I have always wanted to make a career doing music.  I have not given up on that dream.  Though I’m taking a break from my current endeavors to regroup, I plan to go back to doing what I love.  I have had some tell me that my son is more important than my dreams, and of course he is!!!  BUT…  Granted I have the help and support, I don’t see any reason I can’t be a mother and a singer.  Singing and music careers can span across many areas.  Anywhere from being a vocal coach to fame and fortune.  Wherever I fall is where I fall when my time comes.  I do know one thing, though.  I am not 100% happy and fulfilled unless I am doing music in some way, shape or form.  My husband knows that if I don’t have music, I am a miserable mommy.  And when mommy is miserable EVERYBODY is miserable! 

There is a flipside to this.  There are plenty of mommies out there who are 100% content and happy with being mommies and they don’t need anything else.  I respect those mommies just as much as the career oriented mommies.  Maybe you grew up wanting nothing more than to become a mom.  With that as your goal in life, I can only hope that you find the same support and help with making your dreams come true as well!

As far as things go for you career oriented mommies (like me!), don’t give up!  So many times in history, something has been made from nothing.  As long as you sit hopeless thinking nothing good will ever happen for you, guess what?  That’s exactly what you’re going to get.  Nothing.  But where there’s a will, there’s always a way!