The real truth of my pregnancy and my bipolar disorder... Thus far

As you may or may not know, I am bipolar.  That’s majority of what this blog is about.  I wanted to create a place where other moms (bipolar or not) could turn to and see that they aren’t alone in their struggles as a mom.  Everyone is fighting their own personal battles and sometimes it just helps to know that you aren’t alone and that someone else is fighting as well. 

I am fighting a true battle right now.  Being bipolar and pregnant.  I did try to take precautions before getting pregnant being that it was planned, but I don’t think I gave myself long enough to sort through the issues before getting pregnant.  Here is the back story.  I went to my psychiatrist in December ’14 and I told her my husband and I planned to start trying for another baby and that I wanted to make some adjustments to my medications.  I was on 2 medications.  The 1^st is Abilify, which I’ve been on since 2006 and the other is Lamictal, which I had been on since I was pregnant with my son in 2010.  I asked her to wean me off of the Lamictal because I had been told in the past by a different psychiatrist that it has been known to cause cleft pallet in babies.   Imagine my shock hearing that news after I had spent 6 months of my pregnancy on that medication!  So my current psychiatrist took me off of that one.  My next request was to lower the dosage of the Abilify.  I was on 25mg.  So she took me down to 20mg in January ‘15.  Then I was pregnant by February ‘15.  So my next step was my 1^st prenatal visit.  I went in and saw a nurse practitioner, which is standard practice in my OB/GYN office.  She informed me that when taken in the 3^rd trimester or while breastfeeding, Abilify can cause major issues for the baby.  The most pertinent issues would be withdrawals at birth and the medication passing through the breast milk to the baby.   So of course this raised some major concern on my part and the part of both my obstetrician and my psychiatrist.  So about 2 ½ weeks ago, my psychiatrist lowered the dosage of my Abilify to 15mg.  All is not well.

Last weekend and the early part of this week were extremely ROUGH.   I had mood swings GALORE!!!!  It’s the most unnerving thing one can experience and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.  I will be perfectly fine one moment, then the next, something sets me off and I’m completely freaking out.  I am either crying and sad or angry and irritable.  I somehow seem to cycle between type I bipolar (manic depression) and type II bipolar disorder (hypomania aka rapid cycling).  I don’t know clinically how this works or if doctors even see it as being possible, but I know how I feel and I am extremely intuitive with my own emotions especially with regards to my disorder. 

Monday of this week I saw my obstetrician and discussed my issues.  His only suggestion was to go back on the Lamictal I went off of in December ’14.  There’s a classification system for medications during pregnancy.  A, B, C, D and X.  Class A medications are deemed safe during pregnancy, like prenatal vitamins.  And class X medications should never be taken during pregnancy, like certain narcotics.  I've included a chart below with some information.  All psychiatric medications are in a class C.  There’s not enough information to know whether these class C medications are safe, but nothing terrible has been reported, basically.  So most doctors views all psychiatric medications the same.  Testing these medications on humans is considered unethical.  His decision to put me back on Lamictal was based on the fact that it worked well for me in the past.  So I am on the lowest dosage they make of that medication.  Fingers crossed that it works.  It’s been 3 days. 

I have learned a lot over the years when it comes to controlling my moods and keeping myself centered.  But this pregnancy has really tested me thus far.  I think once I can get my meds under control, I’ll be fine.  I’ve come to find, though, that once this disorder takes a hold of me, it’s extremely difficult to feel in control of anything.  But by getting the help I need with my medication, I’ve taken control.  There are many ways to take control of a situation and they don’t all require the strength of 100 women, mentally or physically.  Sometimes knowing when to ask for help IS taking control of your situation.  Sometimes you just can’t do it all on your own.